


Stoned Age

by Morpheus626



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:41:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26451268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morpheus626/pseuds/Morpheus626
Summary: Written for my DL server Bingo Card prompt: Stone AgeThis one...was a challenge. But, I finally got something for it, and at the prompting of folks on the server, decided to run with it!As you may have guessed by the title, there are mentions of recreational drug use, and a very stoned fan features as an original character in this. Tw for that, if that isn’t your scene. Also a tw for vomit, as there is a moment of that in this fic.Anyway, to give a brief synopsis: very stoned fan, all alone, and no way to get himself home. Queen lads to the rescue, because of course they aren’t going to let him flounder about on his own.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12
Collections: Dork Lovers Server Challenges





	Stoned Age

The early shows weren’t exactly...lesser. That was the wrong word. 

But notably, there wasn’t anything like the security they would have in later years, and it could lead to interesting moments. 

“I don’t know what he’s on,” Roger sighed miserably, shifting the young man who was leaned into him. “No one around him, the staff here don’t have a clue who he is...” 

“Hey,” Brian said gently to him, brushing aside the young man’s long brown hair to peek at his eyes. “Oh goodness. Those are...well. Like a cat’s pupils.” 

“You guys are so articulate,” the young man mumbled. “That’s so cool.” 

“That’s not the usual sort of compliment we get, but thank you,” Freddie said. “Did you enjoy the show? Rather, do you remember the show, is maybe what I should ask.” 

“So,” the young man started. “Like, how did you know how to make those instruments? Cause I thought cavemen wouldn’t be that advanced but-you guys are so smart.” 

“Is he insulting us?” John asked with a chuckle. 

“I don’t know,” Roger replied. “Tell me, eh...what’s your name?” 

“Todd,” Todd smiled blissfully. “Do you guys, like...have you evolved to have names?” 

Roger ignored his question, and plowed on with his own. “When and where do you think you are, right now?” 

“Okay,” Todd whispered, quiet enough they all had to lean close to hear him. “So, you can’t tell any dinosaurs or other cavemen, but I’m a time traveler.” 

“Oh Christ,” Brian muttered. 

“And I don’t know how it happened, but I think it’s the cosmic mash of everything I took tonight,” Todd continued. “And it gave me this...this opportunity! It’s amazing!” 

“It sure is something,” Roger gasped, shaking as he tried not to laugh out loud. 

“I know!” Todd crowed loudly, and they all stepped back again as he threw his arms up, and nearly knocked himself over. “And now I’m meeting like, the most talented cavemen ever!” 

“Aw,” Roger chuckled. “You’ve got a future reviewing music if you keep calling us that, you know?” 

“They review music here?” Todd asked. “How?” 

“Oh, we’ll tell you later,” Roger said. “How about we figure out how to get you home?” 

“I’m from the 1970s,” Todd said sadly. “I don’t think I can wait until time comes back around again so I can jump in there again. I think I’ll die before that happens.” 

“I...we don’t know that time...ah,” Brian grumbled in frustration. 

“He isn’t speaking sense, try and ignore the inaccuracies,’ Freddie soothed. “Todd, in the meantime, is there somewhere we could drop you off? Somewhere safe?” 

“Wherever the dinosaurs aren’t,” Todd said seriously, peering out the nearest window. “I’m not afraid of one trying to kill me, I just don’t think I could bear the emotional weight of having to kill one to protect myself, you know?” 

Freddie’s mouth twitched at something near a smile. “I do. Hard to live with, that.” 

Todd nodded. “You guys get it.” 

Roger was still doing his best to hold Todd up, but he had his head tucked into his free arm, shaking like a leaf as he laughed. 

“Let me help,” John said, and joined Roger at Todd’s other side. “Let’s see about finding you a safe place to rest for the night.” 

“Do you remember where you were before you,” Brian sighed and grimaced. “Time traveled?” 

“At a concert,” Todd said. “It was okay.” 

They all fell silent, and Roger was broken out of his giggle fit. 

“Ouch,” John said. “Thanks. Thought we were talented cavemen.” 

“I mean, you did pretty well considering you probably don’t know how to really make instruments,” Todd said. “But you did a really good job, all things considered.” 

“Making it kind of hard to want to help you out, Todd,” Brian said sternly. 

“It’s okay if you guys can’t,” Todd said. “I’m okay.” 

He detached himself from John and Roger, and took a step forward. 

And promptly face-planted, or would have, had they not all reached out to catch him. 

“I don’t mean to be rude,” John said. “But I don’t think you’re okay, mate.” 

Todd nodded. “Getting kind of scary now, actually. You won’t let anything eat me, right?” 

“You’re safe with us,” Freddie reassured him. “Let’s get you into the van, we’ll finish loading up, and then we’ll find a safe place for you, okay?” 

“He is properly fucked up, isn’t he?” Brian asked as they watched John and Roger drag Todd out carefully to the van. 

“He really is,” Freddie winced. “I hope he lives nearby, or has family near here. He can’t be left alone, that’s for sure. Worst case, we’ll keep him at one of ours, or have a sleepover together. We can all keep an eye on him then.” 

\---

The van was an interesting, if not too small, location to have Todd in while he was tripping off his ass. 

“So the wheels aren’t made of stone?” he asked John, for the fifteenth time. 

“We’ve been over this; they are not,” John replied tersely. 

“But how though? How do you guys like...have rubber and stuff for wheels?” 

“Please let me tell him,” Roger pleaded to Freddie. “Or John is going to run us off the road purely to take him out.” 

“I don’t know how he’ll take it,” Freddie whispered back. “Wait till we get back to ours, okay?” 

The decision had been made that they would all stay at Freddie and Roger’s flat for the night, taking turns ensuring Todd didn’t manage to die before the morning. Hopefully, by then, he would have come down enough to tell them where he lived so they could take him home. 

“I don’t know how you lads do it,” Todd tutted. “Living in this age. I wish I could take you all with me, if I find a way to make it back to the seventies.” 

“That’s sweet of you,” Freddie said. “Are you feeling alright?” 

Todd was horribly pale, and without knowing what he had taken, and how much, they couldn’t even begin to guess if he could OD on them. 

John had a sixth sense however. He had the van pulled over, and himself outside whipping the side door open to let Todd out, just as Todd vomited. 

“You good?” Roger called out, wincing as Todd’s only reply was retching. 

“Wonder if he was drinking too,” Brian mused. “I hope he wasn’t, but I’m guessing he was.” 

Freddie nodded. “He’s going to be hurting the rest of tonight, I think. Like looking after a toddler...” 

“You’re just afraid he’ll puke in your flat,” Brian scoffed. 

“In fairness to me,” Freddie said, gesturing to Todd out on the sidewalk, his body quaking with each retch. “All signs point to that happening, and I simply don’t look forward to cleaning it up.” 

After another minute of it, Roger and John managed to get Todd back in the van. 

“You’ll be alright,” Roger said softly. 

“I think maybe I’m dying,” Todd mumbled. “My mum’ll be so mad if I die.” 

“I don’t think mad is what she’ll be,” Roger said. “But you aren’t going to die. You’re going to feel horrible, but you aren’t going to die.” 

“I don’t wanna die,” Todd was crying now, pressing his face into Roger’s shoulder. 

“Oh goodness,” Roger sighed, but he held Todd there, and rubbed his back as they made the last few blocks to the flat. 

“I thought you guys would live in a cave,” Todd pondered as they helped him into the flat. 

“Rent is too high on those,” Freddie said. “So we got a flat instead.” 

Todd nodded. “Probably a good idea.” 

He was pliable, letting them each take turns getting him settled. John to take off his shoes, Roger leading him to the couch, Brian making sure he wouldn’t roll off of it (and settling pillows and blankets on the floor just in case anyway), and Freddie retrieving a wet washcloth from the bathroom to clean up the vomit drying on Todd’s face. 

“Might want to take a break from the drugs,” Freddie said gently as he moved Todd’s head so he could sit, and Todd could rest his head in his lap. “For the next concert. No judgement, but I bet you’d like to remember the next one.” 

“Doesn’t matter,” Todd grumbled. “Was there alone anyway. Girlfriend wouldn’t go, and all my friends were busy ‘studying’ but that’s not true. They didn’t want to go, but they didn’t want to tell me that.” 

“You don’t know that,” Brian said, settling in the armchair near the couch. “Might have been they were truly busy.” 

“I don’t think they like me much anymore,” Todd muttered. 

“Is it,” Roger suggested softly, dropping himself into Brian’s lap, even as Brian sighed at him. “Perhaps. Because you get a little too shit-faced at concerts?” 

“Man,” Todd said. “The world has gotten so bad. You guys back here, you’ve got shit right.” 

“Todd,” Roger continued. “I hate to tell you this, but you didn’t time travel.” 

“Was kind of afraid that was the case,” Todd sighed. “So...” 

“We’re the band,” Freddie said softly. “That played the concert you were at, and since you were alone and-” 

“Out of your gourd,” John interrupted. 

“Yes,” Freddie said. “We didn’t feel right leaving you to wander outside the venue alone. This is the flat I share with Roger, our drummer.” 

Roger waved. 

“I...think I’m going to die of embarrassment now,” Todd said. “I thought it would be the drugs, but no, the embarrassment is so much stronger, so much worse.” 

“You don’t have to die, of that, or anything,” Freddie said. “Rest for now, and in the morning, we can take you home.” 

\---

Blessedly, the night was quiet. Todd didn’t lose his stomach again, and even managed to eat breakfast with them in the morning. 

He lived in a flat with some of his friends, not horribly far away as it turned out, and there was a wonderful satisfaction in watching him head inside, knowing he was back to himself and safe. 

“Think we’ll see him at another concert? John pondered as they watched Todd walk away from their van. 

“No,” Freddie said. “Did you forget? He didn’t think we were that impressive, unless we had the baseline of being cavemen to bear against our playing.” 

“Ah,” John winced. 

“Yeah,” Roger added. “But you know? That’s okay. He’s a good kid regardless. Needs to lay off the drugs, but aside from that. And if he does ever show up at another of our shows, let’s hope he’s sober enough to see sense and realize how good we are.” 

“I’m just glad he didn’t OD on us,” Brian said. “Was honestly petrified we’d wake up and find him dead.” 

“If nothing else,” John said as they piled back into the van. “He’s got to at least give us some compliment as caregivers.” 

“True,” Freddie agreed. “Wonder what he’ll tell his friends?” 

As they drove off, the sounds of an argument drifted from the open windows of the shared flat, including the phrase “Queen did not fucking take care of you all night, you daft bastard!” 


End file.
